April 13th: The Wait is Over = Heartbroken

Today was the day… All of the anticipation… All of the sleepless nights… All of the anxiety, the pain, the feeling sick, the missing my normal life… All of it waiting on one thing.  My world came crushing down at 3:00PM on April 13^th, Friday the 13^th of all days.  The nurse says, “I’m sorry, but it’s a negative.  Stop all medications.”  My heart sank and I kept it together until I hung up.  Completely heartbroken.  I don’t understand why one of the two embryos didn’t implant.  All it takes is one.  It seems so simple.  After going through all of the appointments, medications, injecting myself with all these meds… to hear you aren’t pregnant was beyond devastating.  To think many don’t have to work to get pregnant and I had to subject my body to all of those medications is beyond me.  Anyone going through IVF should be able to get pregnant the first time.  Someone that chooses to put themselves through this to have something they want so bad, deserves a positive outcome.  I just don’t get it.  I don’t understand why things happen… I’m starting to doubt that everything happens to a reason.  I wonder why all of these prayers went unanswered?  What is the hidden meaning behind all of the hurt.  I don’t know if I’ll ever know.  I’m not giving up though.  I will fight until the end to get pregnant.